Hello! My name is Oskar and I am a male duck. I just want to tell you about my stressful life!
My name is Oskar, but I’m called Catarina. That’s because my foster parents (2 crazy humans) did not know if I was going to be a male or a female and my foster mother hoped to finally have some more female support in the family with me. And since we chicks in the box on the market are all pretty much alike, for the beginning I was baptized Catarina. But my foster father has – just for safety – made it into Catarina Oskar and saved this way my male honor!
I grew up in a large vacuum cleaner carton, which has been regularly cleaned. Fortunately, I had to eat all day and night long and that has certainly helped me to be as big and strong as I am today. To my pleasure, my foster mother had the genius idea that ducks need water, and so I was allowed to play every day in the bath tub. Oh man, I can’t tell you how much fun that was! At first, I was a bit scared, everything was so wet and somehow so deep, but when I was really into it, there was no more out of it! I danced and cleaned myself properly. What fun! The best part was the spraying around. Everything was wet and I would have liked to put the entire bathroom under water. Later I also dived, just tried it out. Guys, that was really exciting! But the tub unfortunately was soon much too small. I touched everywhere. But anyway better than nothing. I also repelled my feet properly, but whenever I came out, there was less water in the tub. Everything spread just outside the tub … After my bath I was wrapped in a towel by my foster mother and rubbed dry. But I did not like that at all! This totally messed up my coat and it took me ages to reorganize everything and being beautiful again.
When I was too big to stay in the house, I finally could stay outside. That was really great … only downer: I was always alone now. My foster mother and also the giant dog the dog were most of the time inside the house and I had to stay outside. Because I poop every few steps. I just can’t stop that. I’m a bird and birds always do that everywhere! I’ve tried many times to let them know that ducks are social animals and need to stay together, otherwise nothing is really fun. But it was just impossible to make them stay with me. the dog and mother always disappeared in the house and only when I screamed loudly, someone came out. But in the long run that’s exhausting and I am used to my loneliness by now. Even in the evening, I can no longer lie on the belly of my foster father and pull on his hair or bite his nose and ears, I sadly must accept it. But to be locked up in the strange provisional stable at night does not suit me at all! And what is worse: my dog and my foster father are incredibly cheeky to me and believe they can do everything with me! Pah! I’ll show them!
The dog wanted to play with me in the beginning as if I were a dog, too. But I didn’t even weighed half a kilo and he has about 60 kg. Guys, is the dog stupid? Does he not see that he crushes me when he starts running? Well, I have strong legs and I’m pretty fast. But the dribbling mouth is still uneasy to me!
Meanwhile, however, I’m no longer afraid of the dog and to be honest, he gives me also much security. If there’s something going on, I usually escape under his belly. In an emergency, he can bite forward and I run behind him ….
What a problem is now: my foster father. He thinks I have to fly. Easier said than done. First, I weigh a lot and my wings can not get me more than a few inches from the ground. But I can do it sometimes over the water basin. Only the landing is a disaster. I always crash. My foster father – this duck torturer! – takes me in his arms, lifts me up and throws me in the air towards the pool. OK, not that I like that, not at all, and I complain accordingly, but in the end it’s not bad for practice and landing in the water does not hurt at all.
What really annoys me: my foster father sometimes fights with me. But if he does not know what to do, he grabs my beak and holds it! What an impertinence! He has two hands to fight, I have only one beak for defense. It is true that sometimes I bite quite a bit and blood has already flown, but taking away my only weapon really goes too far! I protest! That’s why I attack him so often when he least expects it. Outrageous person! And I’ve also bitten the dog many times in his tail! But he barks at me if I get too close, and since I still do not trust him completely, I keep myself at a safe distance to his mouth.
So, now that I have told you about my suffering, I feel a bit relieved. Everyone has to know what’s going on here! Although I have a large garden to run around, my own pool for splashing and diving, enough yummy and various food and a dry shelter to sleep during nighttime… this dignified deal with me just goes too far.
I will now focus on re-educating my family and if it works – I’ll cross my duck paddles – then I’ll call again here. Because I will definitely get a Duck Nobel Prize, though!
A quack-quack to all, see you soon!
Very enjoyable story. I am waiting for the next installment.
Thank you Diane! Next story is on the way 😀